To Ryan

A year ago I never would have thought that meeting someone like Ryan was possible, but I listened to my dear friends, Jessica and Jen B, and I gave the whole online dating thing a try. I had been pretty content in the days and weeks leading up to taking the online dating plunge to tackle life solo. My kids and I live a pretty great life, and as I’ve said before, they all plan to live with me forever, so I figured my life would continue to consist of an endless stream of them and their friends, in and out of my house, feeding most of them chicken and noodles along the way, hearing about all their day-to-day drama, and thoroughly enjoying their company, antics, and humor. Being alone meant that I’d get to choose what I wanted to watch on TV and not have anyone looking over my shoulder. I could focus on my career and my friends. No jealousy. No one demanding my time and attention. There would be no one to argue with. No one to have to “work on it” with. And, I was pretty okay with all of that. But, after a whole lot of urging from those two gals, I decided to give online dating a whirl. Life’s short. Why not see what I was missing? 

It was kind of fun at first looking through the profiles, maybe taking screenshots of some of the more colorful ones, and giggling with my friends about them. I messaged with a few guys, and quickly realized that the whole thing was seriously AWFUL, and there were no promising prospects with the free, anonymous account.

At that point, I couldn't muster the courage to take the leap to post pictures. I just could not find the inner strength to put myself out there. People would KNOW that I was on an online dating site. They would think I was desperate. I wouldn't be able to survive that humiliation. So, I would whine daily to Jessica that there just weren't any great guys out there. Stick with it, upload your pictures, and pay for the subscription, Jessica told me. She promised me that's where it was at, and that even though it was scary that I'd find better options. After all, she had met her boyfriend on Match, and he was awesome so she was confident there were still great guys out there. So, I paid for the subscription, gritted my teeth, uploaded the pictures, and waited. 

It seemed like my luck went from bad to worse. 

I messaged with some guys, I got stood up, I was ghosted, I met one or two decent ones that for whatever the reason just didn’t pan out, and I met psychos that had unwritten rules that apparently I didn’t psychically know about. True story there. “Tom” wanted to write paragraph-long texts to me asking why I hadn’t known to text him the day before we were to go on a date. Sorry, Tom, we weren’t ready for paragraphs here. You’re deleted and blocked, buddy. No date for you. 

I was defeated and done. Give it one more try, Jessica and Jen told me. Jen was having the time of her life with online dating, and said I had to keep trying. She had met a great guy who she really thought could be the one. So, once again, I mustered my courage and I did give it another try, but not before, I asked all my ornery Facebook friends - all of you - to post something funny as a reply to one of my threads. You all may not realize, but over the last few years, when I’m feeling down I’ve asked you all to do that and you never disappoint. Like ever. I’m not sure where you find these things, but find them you do, and post them you must when I request it because they are my favorite posts ever, and to this day, I will read each and every one of them again and again when they come back up in my memories.

The next morning, exactly one year ago today, after I’d laughed at every crass thing you all replied with and you had pulled me out of my blues,  I stumbled upon Ryan’s Match profile. He was handsome, and I really liked the fact that he said he was looking for someone who is laid back and enjoys life. I’ve got those two things down to a science. There was the small problem of him living in the Quad Cities and me in central IL, but I figured that a detail like that could be worked out fairly easily and it was only like an hour and a half from my house. No problem! And, did I mention his age? There might be a slight difference in ours, but what’s age except a number? Right? Why not! I’ll give this one my last best effort. 

So I liked his profile, and almost immediately, he liked mine back. 

We were off to the races. 

I sent him a message right after that, he replied, and we have, at least, texted every day since. Little did I know a year ago, that I was embarking on a relationship with someone who was so similar to me in so many different, big and small ways, whose story was so similar to mine, that it would be like we were of one mind, at times. He was someone who was easy to talk to and who put me at ease immediately. From almost the beginning, we would text each other almost identical texts at the same time. I think I realized pretty quickly that the Universe had conspired to put each of us in the other’s path. I truly believe we were meant to meet and to be each other’s soft place to fall. And isn’t that what most people are looking for in a relationship? Finding someone who is your person? And the age thing? Turns out it wasn’t any bigger deal to him than it was to me. His exact words were “I’m okay with it if you are.” I was. 

About eight months after we started dating, Ryan and I went to STL so he could meet Angel. Over the years, Angel has been very vocal with me about my boyfriends and what she thought about them. The words “dump him” and “it’s not going to work” have come out of her mouth on more than a couple occasions, and though I’m stubborn and it generally takes me far longer to heed that advice than it should, she has never been wrong. About any of them. Not once. Ryan and I had been in STL for less than 24 hours when Angel pulled me aside and said, “He’s a keeper. This is the one.” 
The thing is that I already knew it before she said it. He is awesome, and I don’t intend on letting him go. He is definitely a keeper. 

So.

On the anniversary of the day our profiles matched, I’d like to say happy anniversary to my handsome, Ryan. You treat me better than I deserve, and you are more than I ever thought possible. You have lifted my spirits and shown me that having a lifetime of memories with you is a dream come true. A dream I didn’t even know was possible and one I almost missed with my generally fierce independence. Every thing each of us has been through has pointed us in the direction of each other and for that I am exceedingly grateful. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do for me and my family. I said in the beginning that I’d just keep talking if you’d just continue to act interested in what I had to say. To this day, you continue to do that. I rattle on with every random thought that comes to my mind (like now), and you listen, smile and offer up your opinion on my ramblings. To steal a line from my mom, you are the most selfless, giving man I have ever met. I thank my lucky stars that we found each other and that I listened to Jen and Jessica and gave it one more try. Otherwise, we never would have met, and I can’t imagine Life without you.

I love you, Ryan. Happy anniversary, sweetheart. Here’s to many, many more to come.