Saturday, April 2, 2011

Things I never thought I would have to explain

My children are smart. Truly they are, but there are certain things I just never thought would need an explanation. I'm not talking about those things that your mother said to you that you said you would never say to your children. I'm talking about simple, everyday tasks that seem so simple on the surface and yet must require some complex, higher level of understanding to children. So, here is my list of simple, yet necessary rules for my children. It is a work in progress.

1. When taking a shower, use the shower curtain. Standing in the shower allowing the water to pour over you and onto the floor does nothing but irritate your mother.
2. When bathing or showering, use soap.
3. When you have finished bathing, dry off. Coming downstairs naked and dripping wet does nothing but make you cold.
4. Your (insert any article of clothing here) does not live on the floor. If it's clean, hang it up. If it's dirty, put it in the laundry room.
5. There are piles of clothing in the laundry room for a reason. Do not just blindly open the door and pitch everything in. This is a sure fire way to make your mother's head explode.
6. The milk does not live on the counter. It lives in the cold darkness of the refrigerator. Please pour it on your cereal or in your cup and return it to the refrigerator. No one likes to drink milk that is lukewarm.
7. Your mother's iPod, computer, cell phone are not your private domain. Please do not download things like Sponge Bob's Ball Blaster to any of the above. Doing so will only require that your mother password protect her electronic device and that will only make her cranky each time she tries to access it and can't remember the code.
8. Wild animals are meant to live outside. Cats and dogs are fine, but there is no need to load up your backpacks with baby bunnies and try to smuggle them inside.
9. You can lie and say that you have cleaned your room, but remember I'm not blind and I can check your work at any given moment.

*10? Where's #10?! Remember I said it was a work in progress.

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